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Ways to Make Baseball Better

October 26, 2011

First off, dragons. Everything is better with dragons. Who needs foul poles when you could have dragons guarding the line? And if the umpires breathed fire, no one would ever argue a call.

Someone bake me one of these.

Then elves. Not high and noble Tolkien-esque elves who fall into chasms killing balrogs*; pesky little fairy things that whiz around stealing fly balls from outfielders’ gloves and tripping up base runners.

Finally, this:!**

Who needs baseballs when you have cameras? I’m sure we could lobby to change the color scheme to white and red. And we could hypnotize the pitchers to channel their irritation over a new ball size, shape, and weight into sabotaging the mounds of foreign ballparks.

And then, and then…think about it! The second before a spectacular catch captured by camera, the moment before a splash hit, home runs, strike outs, the inside of Buster Posey’s glove when the timer goes faulty! But the last is still alright, because hey, it’s Posey. And what if you could turn all the little cameras into those crazy super high-speed gadgets? And then what if you could send it back in time to stand in for a Barry Bonds at bat against Eric Gagne? Or Willie Mays?

Sadly, the current construction of the camera doesn’t really allow for any of these things*** (except maybe the time travel). But why let logic and reality interfere with wild fantasies and piles of epic?

*Glorfindel did it before Gandalf.

**Credit to the splendiferous Rich Iurilli for that find.


One Comment leave one →
  1. May 17, 2012 5:02 pm

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