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Can you pay underground scientists in panda hats?

February 25, 2012

So Larry Baer, in yet another stunning PR move, managed to be quoted twice in a piece by Alex Pavlovic (Baggs’ worthy successor if you’ve missed that bit of news somehow), once referencing the slowness of attempts at re-signing Matt Cain, and once in reference to the gobs of money the Giants are looking to pull in during the 2012 season. This is of course after an off-season in which the returns of the injured Freddy Sanchez and Buster Posey were supposed to be sufficient justifications for not signing any free agent hitters, because the money saved could go to fulfilling the organization’s frequently stated commitment to keep the pitching. So, we don’t get any notable free agent bats but we also don’t get long term deals for Lincecum or Cain, or at least not yet? Where is all this money going?*

You know what explanations I would accept for where all the money is going? Two places. Literally two places.

One, the Giants have been paying all of Barry Bonds’ legal fees, including underground ones we didn’t know about, for years.

Two, and I would admittedly prefer this one, Buster Posey is in fact bionic and they had to pay a lot in R&D and repairs.  If Buster is in fact the next generation of Six Million Dollar Man and when he got hurt someone said “we can rebuild him, we have the technology” and he’s got an animatronic ankle and ligaments made of space age polymers borrowed from NASA laboratories? Okay. Fine. You can cry poor until those highly compensated black market scientists** are paid off. I’ll call it a Buster Posey dinger premium and be happy with it.

Otherwise? Somebody better be writing Matt Cain a big damn check and soon.

*I understand the economics at work here and that they seem to have money ear-marked for deals for both Lincecum and Cain and it’s just a matter of logistics and such. Please don’t give me any economics or business negotiation lessons here. The sarchasm is a dark and scary place.

 **Also, if the Giants have those black market scientists on retainer, I fully expect them to fix Noah Lowry and bring him back NOW.

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